What even IS centaur anatomy?

Centaurs

SRS FACE

Seriously, this question has bugged the life out of me for ages. I don’t mean a few weeks, no. I mean at least a year. I’m yet to find a suitable answer.

Okay, so centaurs are horse bodies with man bodies grafted on (getting technical now, people). I get this. But the horse bit has organs.  It’s the main body of the horse. It has organs; stomach, lungs, heart, liver, etc. You know organs, you can fill in the blanks.

But the man bit is the body of a man. Or woman, I guess. I’ve seen Narnia, female centaurs exist. But the human bit also has organs. Heart, lungs, stomach, etc.

My question, do they have double the amount of organs? That seems very poor planning. So, they’ve got a heart up top, and underneath as well? Are they Time Lords? They got two sets of lungs? That’s a whole lot of breathing going on. What, do they pant with every breath? Two stomachs? Why? Do they eat double the amount? Do they have to eat grass and hay to satisfy the horse stomach? While also eating meat to satisfy the human stomach? Do they get back problems because of the way their spines just… sort of… curl?

I don't trust this. It has no kidneys.

I don’t trust this. It has no kidneys.

What even IS centaur anatomy?! You’ve no idea how much this bugs me. I seriously hope someone, someday, answers this for me, because short of that, I’m gonna have to kidnap a centaur and ask him or her. Or dissect one. Which is a rude thing to do to a guest when you’ve just offered them shortbread.

Other things bug me too: what’s a unicorn horn made of? Is it keratin, like a rhino horn? Or is made of pure magic, like that one episode of Charmed suggests? What makes the spark at the back of a dragon’s throat that ignites its breath? Does a phoenix ever get bored? Why does my copy of Smoke and Mirrors keep disappearing off my bookshelf? Is Neil Gaiman stealing it back every two weeks? And what is Tom Hiddleston really made of?

Puppy smiles and fangirl screams, is the answer to that last one.

The answer to that last one is actually puppy smiles, rainbow sparkles, and fangirl screams.

And why is it, even though I’ve combed through Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them at least 24 times (seriously, I can practically recite the entry for the Lethifold), can I not find any reference to three-headed dogs? Because, really JK, the only theory I can come up with is that Fluffy is actually Cerberus, and he’s just on loan from Hades. Takin’ a holiday from guarding the entrance to Hell, just gonna go hang out with Dumbledore and his crew.

This is not cool. These questions irritate me.

 

In between banging my head against the wall, hoping to answer these deep and profound questions, I’ve been working with E.J. Runyon, a genuinely lovely lady from across the pond, who has been helping me edit The Old Ways. I want to say how it’s going, but there are spoilers, and… hhhnnnggggg, so many spoilers. Let’s just say, it’s a fantastic experience and I’m learning so much ^-^ oh, and my first chapter is a beautiful experience. It’s so shiny. Yes, I am a Firefly fan. Browncoats forever!

 

Blessed be,

RK )O(

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